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New Dad Tactical Bag

$99.99
40 reviews
Apple pay mark Accepted

In The Box

Baby Chic

  • Baby Owner's Manual
  • Red Bull
  • Turkey Perky Jerky, 2.2 oz
  • Military Energy Gum

Child-Rearing Essentials

  • Mustachifier
  • Camo Blanket
  • Camo Beanie
  • Ear Plugs

How It Ships

New Dad Tactical Bag ships in a cardboard box.
Items are packed inside the baby bag (17"L x 10"T x 3.5"D) and shipped in a cardboard box.

  • Some shipping restrictions apply
    Some shipping restrictions apply
  • Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
    Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
  • Choose your delivery date at checkout
    Choose your delivery date at checkout

Story

A Mighty Seed

Your child, the one who will bear the name of your forefathers fearlessly into futures unknown, is destined for greatness that will ring out o'er all the land. One day the world will mark the epochs by your child's mighty deeds.

But first there will be dirty diapers. An unbelievable number of very dirty diapers. This bag will come in handy.

Don't Call It A Diaper Bag

We ship you childcare provisions in a genuine Voodoo Tactical bag- a versatile, multi-pocketed mobile childcare command center. Dash out of the boardroom with this badboy over your shoulder and no one will know that you're off to change a diaper and not deliver M20 rounds to the front lines. Every pocket comes pre-packed to give you a leg up on fatherhood.

Start with the Baby Owner's Manual - possibly the only instruction book you'll read in your life- full of useful sections like:

  • Troubleshooting Your Baby's Audio Cues
  • Installing the Pacifier - In this case, a Mustachifier*
  • Swaddling

Yes, swaddling is a word- one you'll need to learn and apply, and you can start with the included camo swaddling blanket and baby beanie. In this stylish and functional garb your child will inspire jealousy and command respect- you'll just have to be extra careful not to lose sight of them in densely wooded areas.

Fuel For The Journey

We're also sending you lots of high-energy snacks to keep you at peak performance for your mission- lean, guaranine infused Perky Jerky, RedBull energy drinks, and no-BS military grade caffeinated energy gum. The clincher- two sets of earplugs for mom, because every dad quickly learns to appreciate a well-rested mom.

Crawl, walk, then run. You're in for one hell of a ride.

* Just because they're too young to grow one doesn't mean they don't look good with one.

Customer Reviews

    Bo Bentley
    Aug 21st 2016
    The Best!!!!

    I received this as a gift from my brother-in-law before my son was born... PERFECT!! My wife and I have showed it to everyone! The ONLY problem? I went to by one for my other B.I.L. who's having a girl... there's no girl version :( Something to think about guys!

    Thanks a bunch!!

    Amanda
    Jul 20th 2016
    Made my surprise perfect

    I used the baby bag to surprise my husband and tell him that we were pregnant. I loved everything about the bag for the most part - it included a lot of cool little goodies that made the surprise perfect. However, I thought the bag was a bit small for a diaper bag and the pockets that zip and are covered by a flap are hard to access due to the design of the flap. If we decide to use the bag for its intended purpose, I will have to get the flaps resewn closer to Army standards to make the pockets easier to get into.

    Kurtis Morgan
    Jul 8th 2016
    Perfect gift

    I bought this for my little bother that just had a baby and he absolutely LOVES it! He continues to give me thanks and praises over how amazing the pack is and how much he uses it. Highly recommended this gift...almost bought one for myself but my Son is 5.

    Jaclyn Fawcett
    Jun 11th 2016
    Best Purchase Ever

    I bought this to announce to my husband that we were pregnant. I had to overnight it because I couldn't wait to tell him. It showed up overnight as promised. He absolutely loved it. He loved the bag and everything that came with it. I'm so happy with this purchase!! I will be buying more.

    Sharon
    May 2nd 2016
    But where's the crate?

    Got this for an office coworker. As a first time dad he truly appreciated it. Even my husband (a veteran father) commented that the bag was very cool. Overall - this gift is awesome (and highly recommended) but I was sad it didn't come with the crate that the majority of the other gifts come packaged in. I think that's part of what makes these items so unique.

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No man has ever gotten an artful arrangement of fruit and said "Holy moly, it's exactly what I wanted!"