New Dad Tactical Bag

A Mighty Seed

Your child, the one who will bear the name of your forefathers fearlessly into futures unknown, is destined for greatness that will ring out o'er all the land. One day the world will mark the epochs by your child's mighty deeds.

But first there will be dirty diapers. An unbelievable number of very dirty diapers. This bag will come in handy.

Don't Call It A Diaper Bag

We ship you childcare provisions in a genuine Voodoo Tactical bag- a versatile, multi-pocketed mobile childcare command center. Dash out of the boardroom with this badboy over your shoulder and no one will know that you're off to change a diaper and not deliver M20 rounds to the front lines. Every pocket comes pre-packed to give you a leg up on fatherhood.

Start with the Baby Owner's Manual - possibly the only instruction book you'll read in your life- full of useful sections like:

• Troubleshooting Your Baby's Audio Cues
• Installing the Pacifier - In this case, a Mustachifier*
• Swaddling

Yes, swaddling is a word- one you'll need to learn and apply, and you can start with the included camo swaddling blanket and baby beanie. In this stylish and functional garb your child will inspire jealousy and command respect- you'll just have to be extra careful not to lose sight of them in densely wooded areas.

Fuel For The Journey

We're also sending you lots of high-energy snacks to keep you at peak performance for your mission- lean, guaranine infused Perky Jerky, RedBull energy drinks, and no-BS military grade caffeinated energy gum. The clincher- two sets of earplugs for mom, because every dad quickly learns to appreciate a well-rested mom.

Crawl, walk, then run. You're in for one hell of a ride.

* Just because they're too young to grow one doesn't mean they don't look good with one.