Caveman Crate

Story

The Fathers of Flavor

The mainstream media and its biases toward hygiene, clear articulation, and pants have always been a bit harsh on our cavemen ancestors. So their cave paintings weren't intentionally "abstract", and sure, they couldn't count past five without setting down their club, but cavemen weren't the total, no-brain nitwits they're constantly perceived to be.

The Caveman Crate celebrates our foreheaded forefathers' finest food contributions to modern humanity: the discovery of nuts and meat.

Prehistoric Taste Test

There's a reason humans don't eat anything and everything in existence, and it's not for lack of trying. It's because those "crude, lumbering" cavemen of old performed a thorough, detailed taste-analysis on every species and substance on the planet: sorting the good from the gross, the safe from the poisonous, the tasty from the soy-based, gluten-free vegan alternatives.

The neanderthals were our nutritional trailblazers, hunting and sampling every creature to ensure no taste was left untested. The best of beasts became the jerky bedrock for the developing civilization, namely: buffalo, cattle, turkey, and deer.

We've hand-selected four quality packs of seasoned jerky meat from these delicious species to demonstrate how far mankind has progressed in flavor and to instill gratitude toward the brave cavemen that brought us here.

Nothing But Nuts

Besides meat, our paleolithic parents also consumed wild almonds and cashews, with "wild" being a flavor dependent upon the nearby water, weeds, and waste. While sending these same primitive "flavors" would be the best way to fully appreciate the sacrifices our cavefathers made, for safety and satisfaction reasons, we've opted to instead include the best of the modern nut spectrum: Toffee Butter Almonds and Citrus Chili Cashews.

The Caveman Crate is our best way of paying homage to our food roots, the original sustenance explorers that became our fathers of flavor.