Booze-Infused Jerky Crate

$99.99
19 reviews

In The Box

Mixed Cow-tails

  • Caribbean Rum Jerky
  • Cabernet Jerky
  • Bourbon Jerky
  • Whiskey BBQ Jerky
  • Chipotle Tequila Jerky

Beer-Bellied Beef

  • IPA Beef Jerky
  • Dark Ale Jerky
  • Regrained IPA Bar
  • Regrained Coffee Stout Bar

How It Ships

Crate
In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar

  • Some shipping restrictions apply
    Some shipping restrictions apply
  • Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
    Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
  • Choose your delivery date at checkout
    Choose your delivery date at checkout

Story

Cowcaholics A-nom-nom-nonymous

Alcohol affects people differently: some become more talkative, some funnier, and some friskier, but when it comes to cows, alcohol just makes them more delicious...and maybe also friskier.

We're not sure how they're getting their buzz on—perhaps they're grazing on fermented veggies or maybe their hooves have evolved to open bottles—but we do know "Cowcaholism" on the range is as widespread as it is udderly hilarious.

If you thought cow-tipping was funny, imagine "cow-tipsying," where a one-ton, hot mess of a cow topples over of its own drunken accord. The fall of such docile beasts have given rise to our stampede of inebriated beef, the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.

A cow walks into a bar...

By weight, the average-sized cow can down 57 standard drinks per hour (almost 1 per minute) and still be within the legal limits of operating a vehicle or motorized tractor.

At maximum capacity, the average cow's four stomachs can hold upwards of 62 gallons of liquid, more than a barrel of Jack Daniels (53 gallons). If only that were enough alcohol to satiate their demons.

The good news is, this means the tender beef of the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate has been marinating in a saloon's worth of alcohol (from the inside-out) for the better half of a bovine lifetime. The results, delicious, buzzed beef jerky.

Go home beef jerky, you're drunk.

In curing Cowcaholism, we didn't just cure the easy-capture, beer-bellied beef bodies. We herded up cows with diversified tastes from Whiskey BBQ to Pinot Noir for a wide spectrum of alcohol flavors for your jerky fix.

The full lineup of cattle intoxication includes: Caribbean Rum, IPA, Cabernet, Bourbon, Whiskey BBQ, Chipotle Tequila, Dark Ale, and Regrained IPA and Coffee Stout bars to act as a quick brunch/hangover cure.

Throwdown a double-shot of beef and booze in one bite with the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.

Customer Reviews

    William Hooper
    Feb 14th 2018
    Best Valentine's Day ever

    My wife,well my girlfriend but I call her my wife, surprised me today at work with this crate at work delivered tome wrapped up in duct tape. It was the best gift that I have ever received. The only problem is that everyone keeps trying to taste my meet now

    Liz Holt
    Feb 14th 2018
    Great idea, but jerky is SWEET!

    Ordered this for my husband for Valentine's Day. He opened it as soon as FedEx dropped it off this morning. He ate a piece from one package and said it was really sweet. I told him to try another package and he said it was super sweet, also. He opened up two more packages and ended up so disappointed that he doesn't even want to bother trying the rest. SO, if your man isn't a sweet meat fan, this may not be the best box for him. The idea is great, though! We're bummed that we're disappointed. :(

    Ben
    Feb 8th 2018
    AWESOME GIFT!

    My wife surprised me with this for my birthday. Open the crate with a blast the jerky inside some of the best I've ever eaten, if you know somebody who likes jerky this the gift for them!

    Ben
    Feb 8th 2018
    AWESOME GIFT!

    My wife surprised me with this for my birthday. Open the crate with a blast the jerky inside some of the best I've ever eaten, if you know somebody who likes jerky this the gift for them!

    Jaime
    Jan 10th 2018
    Great Gift for the Hard to Please

    My dad is the hardest person to shop for. I got this for him for Christmas and he loved it! He said it was the best gift he got! He was very happy with the quality and type of jerky in this crate and I am very happy that I found a great gift for someone who is nearly impossible to shop for!

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No man has ever gotten an artful arrangement of fruit and said "Holy moly, it's exactly what I wanted!"