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Cowcaholics A-nom-nom-nonymous

Alcohol affects people differently: some become more talkative, some funnier, and some friskier, but when it comes to cows, alcohol just makes them more delicious...and maybe also friskier.

We're not sure how they're getting their buzz on—perhaps they're grazing on fermented veggies or maybe their hooves have evolved to open bottles—but we do know "Cowcaholism" on the range is as widespread as it is udderly hilarious.

If you thought cow-tipping was funny, imagine "cow-tipsying," where a one-ton, hot mess of a cow topples over of its own drunken accord. The fall of such docile beasts have given rise to our stampede of inebriated beef, the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.

A Cow Walks Into A Bar...

By weight, the average-sized cow can down 57 standard drinks per hour (almost 1 per minute) and still be within the legal limits of operating a vehicle or motorized tractor.

At maximum capacity, the average cow's four stomachs can hold upwards of 62 gallons of liquid, more than a barrel of Jack Daniels (53 gallons). If only that were enough alcohol to satiate their demons.

The good news is, this means the tender beef of the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate has been marinating in a saloon's worth of alcohol (from the inside-out) for the better half of a bovine lifetime. The results, delicious, buzzed beef jerky.

Go Home Beef Jerky, You're Drunk

In curing Cowcaholism, we didn't just cure the easy-capture, beer-bellied beef bodies. We herded up cows with diversified tastes from Whiskey BBQ to Pinot Noir for a wide spectrum of alcohol flavors for your jerky fix.

The full lineup of cattle intoxication includes: Caribbean Rum, IPA, Cabernet, Bourbon, Whiskey BBQ, Chipotle Tequila, Dark Ale, and a beer sausage to act as a quick brunch/hangover cure.

Throwdown a double-shot of beef and booze in one bite with the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.