Salami Bouquet

$59.99
15 reviews
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In The Box

Romantic Meats

  • Columbus Peppered Chub, 8 oz
  • Columbus Sopressata Chub, 8 oz
  • Columbus Calabrese Chub, 8 oz
  • Columbus Chorizo Chub, 8 oz
  • Columbus Italian Dry Chub, 8 oz

How It Ships

Salami Bouquet
In an awesome cardboard box. Corrugated C Flute cardboard with regular slotted style...told you it was awesome!

  • Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
    Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
  • Choose your delivery date at checkout
    Choose your delivery date at checkout

Story

That's Salami!

When the moon in the sky looks like meat that's been dried -- That's salami

When the waves of the sea smell of charcuterie -- That's salami

When your feelings are true and "just flowers" won't do -- That's salami

When your love for your hub leads to five tasty chubs -- That's salami!

Don't get us wrong, we're pro flowers! Flowers produce honey which makes the world and BBQ wings that much sweeter. Without flowers, the Rose Parade would just be another LA morning traffic jam. But rarely will flowers woo a man.

Some men are literally colorblind to the beauty of a bouquet. Other guys just aren't turned on by being handed yet another thing to try to keep alive. Since fresh-cut flowers don't cut it for men, we've made some delicious improvements to the traditional bouquet.

The Salami Snackphrodisiac

We began with the classic flower bouquet, then taste-tested and replaced every flower that wasn't of sufficient flavor with chunks of seasoned charcuterie. Before we knew it, all the flora was gone and five 8 oz. sticks of full-flavored salami remained. Success.

These seasoned salami sticks are attached to stems, wrapped as a bouquet, and hidden inside a boring, cliche flower box that can be delivered anywhere for a private or public declaration of delicious affection. It's a sensual salami surprise that is sure to kickstart full-scale romance.

When he peels back the wrap and his heart gives a clap -- That's salami

When the smell makes him drool like a love-bitten fool -- That's salami

When there's oil on your skin and a flirtatious grin -- That's salami

When the mood is just right and you snack through the night -- That's salami!

Customer Reviews

    Jaime
    May 17th 2018
    Weird gift in the best way possible.

    He thought I sent flowers when he opened it up and saw the 5 large salami's he was really surprised. Everyone at work was excited about the bouquet and was either jealous or wanted to order one for someone. Super thoughtful out of the ordinary gift for any man that is not a vegan.

    REGINALD Pryor
    Apr 27th 2018
    it was okay

    I fell asleep on it

    Mikayla Beach
    Apr 22nd 2018
    For Husbands Birthday

    Sampled all of them myself and they are all amazing quality salami. My husband ate all of them and even bragged to his friends about his bouquet of meat. Will recommend to everyone i know.

    Daisha
    Mar 3rd 2018
    Absolutely man-maxing!

    Got this for my fiance for Valentine's day and he could not be happier (put in mind that he is full Italian and his mother brings a suitcase full of salami when she comes to visit!) He has loved everyone one of them and has gotten to the point of hiding them from me. Best present I've got him (besides myself duhhh) :)

    Chuck Star
    Feb 20th 2018
    Unique Miss

    My wife got for this for me. She depends on your level of meatfulness dedication to provide a quality product. This is fatty garbage. Year after year, stupid holiday after stupid holiday, your offerings are the only thing I look forward to. You have disappointed me, my wife, my 2-year-old daughter, and our infant son. I'm afraid his first words will probably be "fast food quality soy junk" after this. Hopefully you find my words as those of encouragement, and get back to making amazing man meats. Maybe rub some bacon on your next offering.

    Signed,
    Waiting to be filled with meat.

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No man has ever gotten an artful arrangement of fruit and said "Holy moly, it's exactly what I wanted!"