The mainstream media and its biases toward hygiene, clear articulation, and pants have always been a bit harsh on our cavemen ancestors. So their cave paintings weren’t intentionally “abstract”, and sure, they couldn’t count past five without setting down their club, but cavemen weren’t the total, no-brain nitwits they’re constantly perceived to be.
The Caveman Crate celebrates our foreheaded forefathers’ finest food contributions to modern humanity: the discovery of nuts and meat.
There’s a reason humans don’t eat anything and everything in existence, and it’s not for lack of trying. It’s because those “crude, lumbering” cavemen of old performed a thorough, detailed taste-analysis on every species and substance on the planet: sorting the good from the gross, the safe from the poisonous, the tasty from the soy-based, gluten-free vegan alternatives.
The neanderthals were our nutritional trailblazers, hunting and sampling every creature to ensure no taste was left untested. The best of beasts became the jerky bedrock for the developing civilization, namely: buffalo, cattle, turkey, and deer.
We’ve hand-selected four quality packs of seasoned jerky meat from these delicious species to demonstrate how far mankind has progressed in flavor and to instill gratitude toward the brave cavemen that brought us here.
Besides meat, our paleolithic parents also consumed wild almonds and cashews, with “wild” being a flavor dependent upon the nearby water, weeds, and waste. While sending these same primitive “flavors” would be the best way to fully appreciate the sacrifices our cavefathers made, for safety and satisfaction reasons, we’ve opted to instead include the best of the modern nut spectrum: Toffee Butter Almonds and Citrus Chili Cashews.
The Caveman Crate is our best way of paying homage to our food roots, the original sustenance explorers that became our fathers of flavor.
In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar. No bow, no ribbons, no fluff, and absolutely no instructions.
12/30/2016 Judy Huckaba Caveman Crate 5
I bought 4 Caveman crates for Christmas. We open gifts together on Xmas eve. It was hilarious to watch 4 young men perplexed at no instructions then attack their boxes from different perspectives! The had the best fun! THEN the noise began as they tried to hammer nails back in with the crowbars to reseal their crates!!! SUCH FUN! PS. Jerky was good too!
11/15/2016 Dave Caveman Crate 5
Fun to open and awesome grub inside
09/5/2016 debbi peterson Caveman Crate 3
Ordered for Hubby's bday. Crate was fun to open, very disappointed in the content. Tiny not so Paleo packages. He couldn't eat one. I could have done better at the grocery store. Oh well.
08/23/2016 Alexandra Gee Caveman Crate 3
I ordered my husband the Caveman Man Crate "just because" and had it delivered to his office. He loved the idea, he loved prying open the crate. He felt the contents were pretty underwhelming. :(
Man Crates brags "No bows, no ribbons, no fluff."
Unfortunately, this Man Crate was too big for its contents, and he felt there was too much "fluff" packaging in the crate compared to the 5 little bags of food.
Overall, brilliant idea, and it made for a great conversation piece in his office.
07/13/2016 Kerri Caveman Crate 5
I had ordered this for my boyfriends birthday. I SPECIFICALLY set it up to be delivered on 7-6 which is his actual birthday since I could not take the day off to hang out with him. Unfortunately, I received a text from him on 7-1 thanking me for the crate. Considering that I paid over $11 for shipping and was given the opportunity to pick my delivery date, I feel it should have been received on that date. Not almost a week early. Other than that, he was very happy with his birthday gift.
MAN CRATES EDIT:
So sorry to hear about the early arrival of your order! When you pick a date we do our best to ensure it arrives on the date you select and I'm sorry to hear we dropped the ball. Please give us a call at 866-902-7260 or email us: firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll do our best to make this right!
06/27/2016 Michael Hurd Caveman Crate 5
I got this one for fathers day and have had a BLAST with it! I was expecting that it would be assembled with nails (hence the flat prybar), but in stead it was glued...lots of added cursing while opening there! The food inside was EXCELLENT and the personalized card was a nice add on!
02/17/2016 Ronnie Jackson Caveman Crate 5
I bought this for my brother-in-law for his birthday. He loved it!, My sister and him bragged about it to friends, I soon had people asking me where I ordered such a gift. I was told the quality of the nuts and jerky were fantastic.
01/6/2016 MaryEllen Caveman Crate 5
I bought this crate for my husband for his birthday. He loved it--the crate, the jerky, the nuts, the concept. All were top-quality products. You get your money's worth and a really unique gift with Man Crates. Excellent customer service, too.
01/4/2016 Megan Caveman Crate 5
I bought this for my husband for Christmas. Needless to say it was almost all eaten in 3-4 days. Loved everything about this crate from the Jerky, to the nuts and mostly the crate it comes in. Will be purchasing again.
12/17/2015 Jane Caveman Crate 4
I bought the Caveman crate for my 17 yr old nephew so he would have something to open while my 2 brothers opened their alcohol themed crates. All the crates were loved and deeming the included crowbar not manly enough the brothers and nephew went to the workshop to get bigger and better tools. The 3 of them had a blast and lots of laughs. My only disappointment was that my nephew's crate was supposed to be wrapped in duct tape for extra added fun (we are a duct tape family). Fortunately I asked about it and it turns out it didn't get the extra packaging. The customer service was excellent, totally apologetic, refunded the $10 in addition to being very generous and refunding the shipping. I will try again for high school graduation.
12/11/2015 PeteB2 Caveman Crate 4
The Jerky in this crate was phenomenal. I would not waste the 10 dollars on the duct tape though. It was ripped and the labels were on top of it. I would recommend putting another layer over the duct tape then apply shipping labels. The crate itself was well worth it and would recommend it.
12/9/2015 Amy Caveman Crate 5
Every item in this crate is top notch. Truly excellent. We have also enjoyed the Hot & Spicy Crate and the Sriracha Crate and have discovered a few new favorite snacks through these awesome, thoroughly masculine gift boxes. My giant, manly boyfriend and I, a wee lass, have both enjoyed (and sometimes struggled with) the crate opening process as well as all of the contents immensely. I have been recommending Man Crates to everyone I know this year as the ideal gift for those who can be tricky to buy for, and I fully intend to keep doing so, as these guys have yet to let me down.
Most importantly, though, (to me, anyway) is the truly amazing customer service that this company provides. I cannot possibly say enough lovely things about the kind, caring individuals who work for Man Crates. They truly take pride in their products and respect their customers in a fashion that is rarely seen from businesses today. I completely adore this service and everything they offer.
You know you want to try it. Just do it. Go ahead. You won't regret it. We never have. :D