There is a “been there/done that” feel to this year’s Super Bowl, as the Patriots return again for what only feels like the 33rd time in a row. But don’t abide by this. The Super Bowl must be celebrated properly, regardless of who is playing or how many NFL rules and policies make you cringe. (Why did that play that’s still happening get whistled dead?!) Here’s a six-pack of quick tips for doing your Super Bowl party right this year.
1. Insider Tips for Sounding Smart During the Game
- Whenever you’re not sure what to say after a tackle is made, just boldly state: “You know what? Defense wins championships.”
- Mention that Eagles quarterback Nick Foles had a decent year back in 2013 and isn’t your ordinary, scrubby backup QB. He’s an extraordinary, scrubby backup QB!
- Be the first to make the requisite joke that Rob Gronkowski may be concussed, but it’s incredibly hard to tell with him since all he says is “dude,” “bro” and “let’s do shots.”
- Let someone know that you’re considering buying Tom Brady’s special pajamas for health reasons, but be clear that it’s not his actual pajamas, because that would be weird. These pjs have been described as “insanely comfortable.” Wake up and hustle, people!
- If the Eagles score first, say, “Hey, I think that sound you heard is Mark Wahlberg heading for the exits.”
- If there is a debate over what constitutes a catch, say “I think the National Football League has to look at the current rule in the offseason and decide if it is best for the National Football League right now…because we are talking about the National Football League here people.”
- If the Eagles are in the 2-minute drill, quip “Where is Andy Reid when you need him?”
2. Mad Props
If you don’t have a rooting interest in the game, let me introduce you to the gambler’s best friend, prop betting (because gamblers don’t have real friends). There are some truly ridiculous prop bets this year:
Over/under how many times will “Wardrobe Malfunction” be mentioned during the game: 1.5
We like the over here, since Justin Timberlake is performing the halftime show. Al Michaels is good for at least 2 mentions.
Over/under on how many times the outside temperature in Minnesota is referenced: 1
Again, go with the over, no one can resist comparing outdoor and indoor temps.
Will Justin Timberlake cover a Prince song? Yes (-140) No (even)
Minneapolis is Prince’s hometown, there is no way that Timberlake doesn’t pay homage with some “Little Red Corvette” or “Let’s Go Crazy”. If he doesn’t, he should have to walk back to Malibu in a Rasberry Beret.
Over/Under Tom Brady Rushing yards: 1.5
Take the under, Brady will do everything he can to protect his precious hands, and that means not daring to run with the ball. Even if he gets 2 or 3 yards, you have to subtract a couple yards for when he inevitably kneels at the end of the game to run out the clock.
3. Super Bowl Commercial Bingo
Bingo isn’t just for octogenarians anymore. It’s hip and cool! There are lots of different places where you can design and print your own Super Bowl bingo cards, but here’s a card to get you started.
4. Cook some Killer Wings
Can we all agree garlic and parmesan wings are always the best? Good, here’s a recipe.
Garlic Parmesan Chicken Wings
What to use
- 2½ lbs. of chicken wings and wing drumettes
- 1 tablespoon of olive oil
- 2 tablespoons of freshly squeezed lemon juice (if you’re a bachelor, flat Sprite from the fridge)
- 1 tablespoon of fresh oregano, chopped (is non-fresh oregano ever preferred?)
- 1 tablespoon of rosemary, chopped
- 1 tablespoon of thyme, chopped
- ½ teaspoon of cumin (what exactly is cumin? no one knows)
- 1 teaspoon of salt
- Vegetable or canola oil (for frying)
- ½ cup of unsalted butter (1 stick…wait this is the Super Bowl, 1.5 sticks)
- 2 large garlic cloves (maybe put some mints out on the table, too)
- 2 tablespoons of your favorite hot sauce (Or design your own)
- ¼ cup of chicken stock
- 1 teaspoon of garlic powder
- ½ teaspoon of fresh black pepper
- ¼ cup of grated Parmesan cheese
How to use it
Pat wings and drumettes off with a towel and place in a large bowl
- Toss in the oil.
- Add 1 tablespoon of the lemon juice.
- Add 1 tablespoon each of oregano, rosemary, thyme.
- Add the cumin, salt and pepper.
- Mix until completely coated, then place in a large zipper baggie and place in the refrigerator for 30 minutes or up to overnight.
- Heat the oil to 350°F (add oil to a deep skillet, or use your deep fryer).
- Pre-heat oven to 425°F.
- Once oil reaches 350°F, gently drop the chicken one at a time in. (you’ll probably need to fry in two batches).
- Using tongs, place the chicken pieces on a baking dish.
- Bake for 20 minutes.
- Meanwhile, in a medium saute pan, add the butter, hot sauce, chicken stock, remaining lemon juice, onion and garlic powders, salt and pepper. Add in the fresh garlic. Heat gently for about 15 minutes and slightly reduced.
- Remove the chicken from the oven and place in a large bowl.
- Add the cheese to the sauce and remaining teaspoons of herbs. Stir to combine.
- Add the sauce to the chicken and toss.
- Place on serving dish.
- Serve with bleu cheese.
5. Concoct a Super Bowl Cocktail
If you’re just pouring beers, here’s just the thing to rep your team. But if you prefer the cocktail route, we’ve got you covered tighter than Malcolm Butler or Ronald Darby. Since it’s a four-hour game, we want to keep the drinks light and classy, but with some sass. Move over, Malcolm, we’re getting classy and sassy with the Rhett Butler.
The Rhett Butler
What to use
2 oz. Southern Comfort
½ oz. sweet vermouth
½ oz. ginger ale
½ oz. simple syrup
½ oz. lemon juice (or again, Sprite)
1 oz. cranberry juice
1 oz. club soda
Lemon or orange slice
How to use it
Combine it all in a shaker with ice and shake for 30 seconds. Pour over ice, add the slice and feel so nice.
6. Have a back-up viewing plan
Just in case there is a blowout or the lights go out like they did in Super Bowl XLVII, have a go-to channel in mind. Puppy Bowl is always enjoyable, but there is more out there. Our choice, head over to the Lifetime Network for The Bachelor Next Door. Something tells us that seemingly nice, handsome bachelor is going to have some dark secret that will change everything.
Tale of the Tape Prediction time
Like last year, we’re going to the tale of the tape on these two fine American cities that have given us so much. This essentially worked last year when we predicted a tie, because the game went to overtime.
|Best Bands:||Roots, War on Drugs||Cars, Pixies||Boston|
|Best Drink:||Philly Flyer||Sam Adams||Philly|
|Best Food:||Cheesesteaks||Clam Chowder||Philly|
|Best Movies:||Rocky, The Sixth Sense||The Departed, The Town||Philly|
|Best TV Shows:||It's Always Sunny, Boy Meets World||Cheers, Spencer for Hire||Boston|
|Best Slang Term:||"Youse Guys"||"Wicked Pissa"||Boston|
|Most Iconic Figure:||Ben Franklin||John Adams||Philly|
There you have it, the Eagles in an upset win, 4-3, on a last second safety!
Enjoy the game, everyone!