Oh, the Horror! Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor


My husband Keil and I just hit up The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor Halloween extravaganza for the first time a couple nights ago. It. Was. SAVAGE. Literally. The brutality of the backstories, costumes, makeup and acting of the monsters and performers was like stepping onto the lot of an outdoor hell house. If we didn’t laugh to keep it light for ourselves, I for sure would have thrown punches to instinctively protect myself  because that’s how good it was.

The Haunted Queen Mary

If you’re unfamiliar with The Queen Mary, it’s a retired British ocean liner moored permanently in Long Beach, CA, that’s been transformed into a hotel, museum and tourist attraction. Oh, and in case you were wondering, it’s haunted. Time Magazine named it one of the 10 most haunted places on earth. Dark Harbor is its annual show-stopping Halloween event with more than 200 monsters, 6 mazes, live entertainment, rides and drinks.

Dark Harbor Monsters & Mazes

The 6 mazes presented themselves deep into the event after we got the crap scared out of us by random monsters just casually strolling around (read: following us, bending down from ridiculously tall stilts to get in our faces, sliding across the ground in front of us, silently staring at us, etc.).

I found myself on high alert, constantly scanning the massive crowd in a feeble attempt to prepare myself. That worked approximately 2% of the time. So, if being on edge for four hours straight sounds like a good time to you, you will love Dark Harbor.

The mazes include:

  • Feast / Chef
  • B340 / Samuel the Savage
  • Lullaby / Scary Mary
  • Deadrise / Half Hatch
  • Circus / Ringmaster
  • Intrepid / Ironmaster

The Captain, Graceful Gail and Voodoo Priestess are three more staples at Dark Harbor. We spotted The Captain while waiting in line for Intrepid. His gait was unsettling—slow and stiff, and his dead-eye gaze was one I was happy to not personally catch.

In Circus, a monster popped out of the dark and blew icy air from her mouth onto the back of my head, blowing my hair forward. I shrieked. I also couldn’t shake the cold feeling on my scalp for the next 10 minutes!

If you’re anywhere on the West Coast, make it a point to road trip to Dark Harbor. You can even stay as a guest on the Queen Mary during your visit—if you dare.

Otherwise, check out the fun, scary haunted houses to experience in your own area. They’re literally everywhere!

Whatever you do this Halloween, whether a haunted house or a horror flick, remember that you’ll probably need a machete to feel safe.

No, really.

And lucky for you, we’ve got you covered. The Zombie Survival Crate, Zombie Suppression Crate, and Zombie Annihilation Crate all exist for a reason, people. What do you think ghosts were before they were ghosts? That’s right—ZOMBIES.

Have fun! Oh, and don’t bring your machete to a haunted house. They won’t let you in.

Images: Queen Mary, Keil Elkins