We’ve spent the last four years slashing through jungles, scouring tundras, and spelunking every spelunkable crevice to compile comprehensive flavor profiles for every creature on this vast, delicious planet.
No critter has gone untasted, yet our collective palate remains unsatisfied. With no earthly animals left to jerkify and no appetizing lifeforms found in space, the next frontier of flavor is not just upon us, but before us.
The future of jerky is the past.
Man Crates Labs, a research subsidiary of Man Crates, and Sweden’s Centrum för Kött Vetenskap are proud to announce a joint venture focused on genetically resurrecting once-existing species for cured, mass consumption.
Mia Tjëedter, PhD. and DNA CEO of the CKV believes this partnership will set a precedent for the production of environmentally sustainable, flavor optimized, genetically engineered meat.
“Our lab is using modern CRISPR techniques to reconstruct DNA sequences from thousands of years ago,” said Tjëedter. “We expect our artificial wildlife habitats to be teeming with ‘clone-bred’ molecular hybrids as early as 2017.”
While Man Crates Labs seems like an unlikely associate given their non-influence in genetic re-sequencing, Tjëedter is confident Man Crates’ innovative dehydration/marination procedure is the only way to extract optimal flavor when processing these organisms into seasoned, succulent jerky.
“They really know their meat,” said Tjëedter. “We spurned countless propositions from very wealthy, esteemed organization–NASA, the United Nations, the Kanye West Institute, and even a few dubious dictators. No proposals came close to the scientific or philanthropic scope of Man Crates.”
Man Crates is the Internet’s top-tier destination for men’s gifts. They are a team of highly attractive artists, geniuses, and scholars dedicated to creating a profusion of awesome gifts guys love. They are receiving pre-orders for the Genetically Engineered Meats Crate scheduled to launch in March 2017. In the meantime, you can order these exotic meats available now.
The Centrum för Kött Vetenskap is the world’s preeminent Meat Genome Lab responsible for major scientific contributions such as the IKEA meatball and “Tofu: Friend or Foe?”, the definitive publication on imposter meat.