10 Golden Globes-Nominated Performances That Deserve Man Crates

Entertainment Gifts

Nominations for the 2018 Golden Globes have been announced. Watch party preparations are underway. Elsewhere on the internet, you can find highfalutin folks arguing about favorites and snubs and surprises, oh my. On our little patch of the web, we want to highlight a few performances we believe deserve a little more than just a weird gold ball sitting on a hunk of marble. These 10 nominees each warrant something even more distinguished than Golden Globes: their perfect Man Crate gift.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour
Premium Cigar Humidor

Best Actor nominee Gary Oldman was so dedicated to his authentic portrayal of former British prime minister Winston Churchill that he chomped down more than 400 cigars at a cost of $20,000 over the course of filming Darkest Hour. Now, we love fine tobacco almost as much as we cherish moderation, so perhaps Oldman would have been better off using our 20-stick premium humidor pack.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
James Franco, The Disaster Artist
Salami Bouquet

The Disaster Artist is based on a book about the making of The Room, widely considered to be the worst movie ever created. In that iconic-for-all-the-wrong-reasons film, Tommy Weiseu’s character Johnny gives his unrepentant two-timing girlfriend a bouquet of flowers. (Here’s the breathtaking flower shop scene.) If the film is ever remade for some reason, we humbly suggest a minor improvement: a bouquet of salami.

Best TV Series – Drama
Game of Thrones (HBO)
Personalized Chef Knife Pack

From Arya Stark’s Needle to Jon Snow’s Longclaw, everyone who’s anyone in Westeros has their own personal blade. With the Personalized Chef Knife Pack, a even a Northerner of modest means can own a knife with a name, effective for both gutting fish in the kitchen or as a defense tool in the field of battle.

Best TV Series – Drama
Stranger Things (Netflix)
Old School Crate

The year’s most nostalgia-laden piece of pop culture deserves yet another homage to the 1980s: this Old School crate filled with toys and treats from the era. The Rubik’s cube would probably be the kids’ most desired item in the crate, and (MILD SPOILER ALERT) now that Dustin’s front teeth have grown in, he can take down a pack of Now & Later’s like there’s no tomorrow.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out
Secret Stash Folding Knife

Let’s just say there are more than a few situations in which Daniel Kaluuya’s Get Out character, Chris, would benefit greatly from having an inconspicuous knife handy.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Tom Hanks, The Post
Caffeine Fiend Crate

The Post chronicles The Washington Post’s decision to publish the Pentagon Papers in 1971. Tom Hanks (typewriter enthusiast and leading man in classics such as Bachelor Party, among others) plays the Post’s editor at the time, Ben Bradlee, and he is rarely seen on-screen without a stiff cup of joe (…maybe mixed with some booze? Folks, times were different back then.) Surely, he and the rest of the newsroom would benefit from the super-strong Alpha beans included in this coffee-lovers crate.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
Ansel Elgort, Baby Driver
Auto Care Crate

With so many bank-robbing clients soliciting his services, automotive upkeep is of the utmost priority for Ansel Elgort in Baby Driver. A dusty vehicle is bad for business, that’s Getaway Driver 101.

Best TV Series – Drama
This Is Us (NBC)
Jerky Heart

Dear reader, I must admit that I cry at the end of most episodes of Undercover Boss. As such, my Kleenex budget won’t allow me to get into the blubberfest that is This Is Us. But I hear it’s very emotional, very touching…some might say heartfelt. Our tear-jerking Jerky Heart gift must be the one for this show.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread
Pipe Carving Kit

This crate is less for his Phantom Thread performance and more for Daniel Day-Lewis the actor. Based on his face structure (doesn’t he just look like a guy who smokes pipes?) and unforgettable role in There Will Be Blood, we would love nothing more than to gift DDL his very own custom pipe carving kit. Plus, now that he’s retired, Day-Lewis will have plenty of time to whittle the wood just so.

Best Motion Picture – Drama
The Shape Of Water
On The Water Pack

We really want to see this movie, but have yet to do so, and we refuse to look at any spoilers which might give us an idea for how to match this crate to a specific character. But judging by the poster, we can safely assume at least two of the main characters are water enthusiasts, and should they make their way back to land, we’re positive they would enjoy the nautical spoils of our On The Water Pack.