Funny and Completely Borrowable Birthday Card Messages


If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve got a birthday card message to write and you’re looking for a quick inspiration. You’ve come to the right place. Being that we’re in the business of creating awesome gifts for men, we happen to know our way around a birthday card.

At one time or another, we’ve all put serious thought into coming up with a memorable birthday greeting for someone special. Your pen hovers over that 5”x7” canvas for minutes. Your mind blanker than the card in front of you. Well, put your pen to paper with confidence, friend. At Man Crates, we’ve actually assembled an entire database of birthday card messages to help you achieve gifting greatness. Feel free to pass off this funny fodder as your own—and don’t bother writing us a thank-you note. We know it’s not your forte.

Take your pick from these categorized, witty one-liners for instant birthday message magic:

Main squeeze

  • Happy birthmonth, honey! Let’s face it, we both know this party is going to last way more than a day.
  • XOOXOXXX…Those aren’t all hugs and kisses. I was just practicing for our next game of tic tac toe.
  • It’s your birthday again! Time for your annual two-minute back rub.


  • Here’s a special birthday wish for all those years you suffered raising me. So, I guess we can call it even?
  • Congratulations on getting a year closer to retirement—and qualifying for senior citizen discounts.
  • I’ve been calling you my ol’ man for years. This time, it’s literal.


  • Happy birthday, my brother from the same mother! Or perhaps not?
  • Did you know that trick candles are the #1 cause of shortness of breath? Hmm…where did I hide your inhaler?
  • Happy bro-thday! Don’t drink too much. I may need that liver of yours someday.


  • Remember those cone-shaped birthday hats with the rubber-band strap we used to make you wear? Sorry about that.
  • The day you were born was the happiest day of our lives. The day you were made was the second. TMI?
  • Happy birthday to our favorite child. Don’t tell your brother(s)/sister(s).

Everyone else

  • Birthdays are like spleens. Everyone has one. Unless you had yours removed. In which case, I’m sorry I brought it up.
  • As part of your gift, I’m sparing you from hearing me sing.
  • You may think you’re old, but if you died tomorrow, people would definitely say, “He was so young.”

Now that you’ve got the birthday wishes squared away, let’s move onto the birthday gift ideas. Like most guys, he’s probably tough to shop for. Well, we do one thing and we do it like nobody else. Check out our most popular birthday gifts for men. And if you can’t decide, there’s always the unforgettable Smash and Grab Gift Card, which demolishes any regular gift card.