So you want to find the perfect gift for your dad this Father’s Day. A noble mission that requires a deep dive into his likes, dislikes and other personal preferences. Where do you begin? Try jumping back to your childhood. There’s a hidden desire behind every paternal proverb, or “dadism,” he tossed in your general direction when you were growing up. Let’s dissect a the common dad vernacular to figure out what is he was really trying to tell you.
“Rise and shine!”
Upon hearing this abhorrent utterance, every teenager swiftly pulls the covers over his or her head. Doesn’t work. It only gets louder. What this faux optimistic rooster calls really means is, “Get up lazy bones, I want to eat breakfast.” Help him enjoy his morning with glorious strips and stacks he can cook up for the whole family.
“You’re not old enough.”
This one was the go-to for every death-defying roller coaster or questionable concert at The Orpheum. But you know what is old enough? That 18-year-old Macallan whiskey that he’s been eying for months. These laser-etched rocks glasses will have him fondly reflecting on your childhood as he cradles that golden goodness.
“You call that noise music?”
If thumping beats permeated your bedroom walls, you probably got warned to turn it down more than once. Though your definition of music may differ from your dad’s, doesn’t mean you can’t help him satisfy the urge to pump up the volume for Neil Diamond or Barry Manilow once in a while.
“Don’t make me turn this car around.”
Family road trips are always an adventure. You and your siblings’ backseat calamity always invited dad’s non-steering arm to come back there and calm things down. Because he never did actually turn the car around, he developed some quality travel survival skills. Years later, this crate will keep those skills as sharp as that left turn he made that caused your seatbelt snap into your gut.
“When I was your age…”
“…we WALKED to school. Uphill BOTH ways. In a BLIZZARD.” Of course he did. If your dad is the reminiscing type, he’ll be way into a playful gift that’s as old school as he is.
“Can I just get five minutes of peace and quiet?”
Birthday parties, sleepovers, science projects, scraped knees. There’s no shortage of havoc you wreaked on your poor dad, who was just looking for some tranquility. That’s why you should send him out to the nearest peaceful fishing spot so he can kick back, relax and whisper at some bass.
“I’m just resting my eyes.”
That old chestnut he muttered while napping. Sleeping isn’t going to place little checkmarks on his honey-do list, so help keep him awake and alert with a personalized, freshly brewed mug full of caffeination.
“Shape up or ship out.”
Seemed a bit harsh when this directive was barked at you drill-sergeant style. But in hindsight, you know your dad meant well. Now, you can return the favor by helping him stay fit as a fiddle. Whatever that means.
“Cut it out.”
A general dadism that applies to a range of behaviors from picking your nose to picking on your kid brother or sister. Show dad you’re all about cutting it out by giving him a chef’s knife he can make himself.
“Go ask your mother.”
The classic deflection response. You often got this (and maybe still do) when “the game” is on. Could be any game, any team or any sport. Like competitive trampolining. (Don’t laugh, it was in the Olympics.) Help him commemorate his favorites with barware for the NFL, NBA, NHL, NASCAR or NCAA.
“I’m not playing games here.”
Look out, he’s serious. Perhaps, he would’ve been more lighthearted if he was playing games. Here’s how you can right that wrong.
“Do you think money grows on trees?”
Well, money’s printed on paper, which comes from trees, so… But in all seriousness, money does grow on card tables with sound computational skills and unreadable poker face. Help him pile up the chips on poker night.
“Go to your room.”
Ever go to your room and be like, “Uh, this isn’t so bad. I’ve got toys/dolls/comic books in here.” Sometimes it’s actually a reward. For dads, the workshop or garage is often their “room.” And when they’re in there, it’s project time.
“Were you raised in a barn?”
Looking back on it, leaving the door open didn’t exactly lower the energy bill. But what does your dad have against barn living? Maybe he had a run-in whilst cow-tipping as a lad. Or maybe he just prefers more exotic animals.
“Don’t play ball in the house.”
Makes sense. Balls can break lamps, clocks and little figurines of seals playing big band instruments. But no one ever said “Don’t play ball in the office,” which is the genius behind the Office Golf Crate.
“Life’s not fair.”
The quick retort to a cry of “it’s not faaaaaaair!” While, statistically, life is indeed not fair, there are certainly ways to even the odds—especially when the zombie apocalypse begins. Prep your dad for the worst and give him a leg up on the rest of the remaining humans.
“Not under my roof.”
Ah, the rule enforcement that has every teen pondering a premature move out. Whatever you did, this warning was for your own protection. So why not help protect your dad when he’s not under his own roof. This Outdoor Survival Crate will do the trick.
“Has anyone seen my hammer?”
Okay, so maybe this isn’t the most well-known dadism. But some dads say it. If you’re dad is in need of a hammer or something to whack, the Smash & Grab gift card will surely be a big hit.