The Robo-Doctor of Love
Individually, each of us here at Man Crates is emotionally underdeveloped, poetically challenged, and clumsy in love. However by pooling our efforts, we've created the SkyNet of romantic intelligences.
We combined semantic analysis of the tens of thousands of Man Crates orders sent with romantic intent with the wisdom of the internet to create Dr. Julius Gosling-Pitt- an internet love-bot capable of melting the undergarments off any woman or man with a single turn of phrase.
We proudly present Dr. Gosling-Pitt's singular romantic services, unleashed, unfiltered, and at your service, just in time for Valentine's Day.
Romantic Note Generator
Stoke the embers of his soul with one of my romantic-ish Valentine’s Day Notes. They’re gushing with sensuality and guaranteed to set the clocks to half-past frisky-time.
Especially Romantic Gifts
Sometimes it's the thought that counts, sometimes it's the actual gift that counts, and sometimes it's where you're having dinner when you give the gift that counts.
Sending an alluring gift to put the "man" back in romance never hurts.
Still can’t decide? This cheat sheet pairs 8 unique relationship scenarios with the flirtatious crates that most embody them. Just choose the situation that’s perfect for you!
Describe your relationship:
Questions About Love?
My methods, while absolutely effective in setting the mood, are a bit unorthodox and often met with questions from those less disciplined in the art of steamy romance. Learn from their foolish, errant ways:
What if my friend doesn’t have a Valentine and this page is making my friend sad and lonely?
How many Valentines does your friend want? Man Crates has plenty!
Send your friend a jerkygram and give them a call. They’ll sift through their warehouse full of eligible bachelors/bachelorettes for the perfect fit and then commission the penning of a passionate hand-written note of Valentine’s Day romance.
How do I know if my romance crate will get there in time?
While I would posit that any time and every time is the right time for romance, I’m assuming you mean Valentine’s Day.
Man Crates has a super slick date picker at the bottom of the cart page that will let you know when your steamy romance time bomb is set to explode. Dress accordingly.
Is there such a thing as too much romance?
Romance is an exquisitely delicate force that is best measured not by quantity, but quality.
The most sensual experiences in my romancing tenure have been fleeting moments of momentous gravity--the final glimmer of sunset upon an evening stroll, the subtle brush of hand to heel when assisting milady with a shoehorn, or the lingering scent of a lover’s belch after a hearty, home-cooked meal.
Is there such thing as too strong a romance? Hardly. The heart exists to be consumed.
But you’re a Love-Bot? Can you even feel emotion?
The cyber-geniuses at Man Crates have engineered my AI to include levels of Artificial Empathy.
While I lack the capacity to generate unique, personal emotions, I am able to fully share and participate in the romance and emotional ecstasy of others through the 5000 “Feelings Receptors” implanted and distributed throughout my being. 5000 feeling receptors is equivalent to 50 times the amount of an average human man, and one fifth the amount of an average human woman.
To put it plainly, I romance through your romance.
Skip the wining & dining-
Let's get to wooing & doing!