Cow-pocalypse Crate

$114.99
59 reviews

In The Box

Beefy Barrage

  • Carnivore Candy x2
  • Country Archer: Crushed Red Pepper x2
  • Country Archer: Teriyaki x2
  • Real Steak x2
  • Jeff's Famous Jerky x2
  • Field Trip x2

How It Ships

Crate
In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar

  • Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
    Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
  • Choose your delivery date at checkout
    Choose your delivery date at checkout

Story

Unleash the Meat

"Less is more" is a nice adage when discussing smooth jazz and abstract art, but when applied to cured meats, the "less is more" argument collapses faster than a vegetarian attempting powersquats at the gym.

With artisan beef jerky, more is clearly more, and it's about time the insatiable carnivores of the world stop receiving the short end of the Slim Jim.

Everything in Meat-eration

Gone are the days of choosing between quality and quantity. The Cow-pocalypse Crate suckerpunches this dualistic fallacy with twelve arrogant packs of drool-inducing beef jerky. To ensure supreme flavor of the highest order, we've undergone the same strict hand-selection process as the Slaughterhouse Crate, but this time we used both hands when grabbing from the mountain of marinated perfection.

With this much sheer meat poundage, you can live recklessly. Toss it all into a cow-shaped Protein Pinata and let it rain down like a meatier shower, fill a swimming pool with it and dive in a la Scrooge McDuck, or go the conservative route and consume it all in one sitting in preparation for winter hibernation. The Cow-pocalypse Crate truly makes dreams come true.

So sharpen those incisors and shimmy into your stretchy pants, because the Cow-pocalypse Crate is bringing enough meaty deva-taste-ion to give a T-Rex heartburn.

Customer Reviews

    Chris Jones
    Oct 30th 2017
    Great gift

    My wife sent me this for our anniversary. I loved it. Great variety and not the same old gifts that you tire of. I had one small problem with one bag that was quickly taken care of. They went above and beyond in the customer service experience.

    Mary Demonte
    May 7th 2017
    Perfect!!

    I got this for my boyfriend for his birthday and he absolutely loved it!! He had no idea what to expect as he struggled to open the crate and he was so excited once he got it opened! He loved all the different types of jerky and even though he got the gift two days ago, he's already down to just one package! This was truly an awesome gift and such a fun experience for him! I'll definitely be a repeat customer :)

    Michelle
    Feb 15th 2017
    Perfect!

    Gave this to my soon to be husband (think the crate won him over?!) he LOVES it!! What man doesn't love meat, he loves the crate it comes in! And the diabolical duct tape was an added bonus! This will forever be my fail safe, hail Mary, go to gift!!

    Deanna Leahy
    Feb 17th 2017
    Fun gift

    My husband loved it. Bought as a gift for our 25th wedding anniversary. Threw traditional gifts out the window. No silver for my guy! haha! I was a little disappointed with the way it was wrapped with the duct tape. (additional 10 dollars) It came off in strips rather than being wound around the box several times so it was super easy to rip it off. Fun and unique gift and my husband loves the jerky. It was a fun gift to give. Lots of laughing. Thank you!

    Connie
    Feb 13th 2017
    AMAZING

    I GOT THIS FOR MY BOYFRIEND FOR VALENTINES THIS YEAR, YES HE ALREADY GOT IT AND LOVES IT!! FABULOUS CRATE AND AMAZING TREATS!!

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No man has ever gotten an artful arrangement of fruit and said "Holy moly, it's exactly what I wanted!"