Caveman Crate

$74.99
22 reviews
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In The Box

Prehistoric Meat

  • Buffalo Jerky
  • Chef's Cut Beef Jerky
  • Field Trip Turkey Jerky
  • Crockett Creek Venison Jerky

Paleolithic Nuts

  • Butter Toffee Almonds
  • Chili Citrus Cashews

How It Ships

Crate
In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar

  • Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
    Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day
  • Choose your delivery date at checkout
    Choose your delivery date at checkout

Story

The Fathers of Flavor

The mainstream media and its biases toward hygiene, clear articulation, and pants have always been a bit harsh on our cavemen ancestors. So their cave paintings weren't intentionally "abstract", and sure, they couldn't count past five without setting down their club, but cavemen weren't the total, no-brain nitwits they're constantly perceived to be.

The Caveman Crate celebrates our foreheaded forefathers' finest food contributions to modern humanity: the discovery of nuts and meat.

Prehistoric Taste Test

There's a reason humans don't eat anything and everything in existence, and it's not for lack of trying. It's because those "crude, lumbering" cavemen of old performed a thorough, detailed taste-analysis on every species and substance on the planet: sorting the good from the gross, the safe from the poisonous, the tasty from the soy-based, gluten-free vegan alternatives.

The neanderthals were our nutritional trailblazers, hunting and sampling every creature to ensure no taste was left untested. The best of beasts became the jerky bedrock for the developing civilization, namely: buffalo, cattle, turkey, and deer.

We've hand-selected four quality packs of seasoned jerky meat from these delicious species to demonstrate how far mankind has progressed in flavor and to instill gratitude toward the brave cavemen that brought us here.

Nothing But Nuts

Besides meat, our paleolithic parents also consumed wild almonds and cashews, with "wild" being a flavor dependent upon the nearby water, weeds, and waste. While sending these same primitive "flavors" would be the best way to fully appreciate the sacrifices our cavefathers made, for safety and satisfaction reasons, we've opted to instead include the best of the modern nut spectrum: Toffee Butter Almonds and Citrus Chili Cashews.

The Caveman Crate is our best way of paying homage to our food roots, the original sustenance explorers that became our fathers of flavor.

Customer Reviews

    annonymous
    Jan 11th 2018
    If you have money to burn

    This is a cute concept - packaged dry meat and nuts in a wooden crate that you have to use a crowbar to open.
    But know that you're paying for the momentary joy of opening the crate, because inside there's just a total of 8 oz. of nuts and 8.7 oz. of jerky, for $75.

    Patty
    Dec 30th 2017
    Christmas gift

    I wanted to do something different for my husband’s Christmas gift this year instead of the same ole’ thing year after year. I stumbled across this site and I knew I had to do it! The products are good quality and he is enjoying them very much. However, do not waste your money on the duct taping like I did, a total loss of $10! There’s absolutely nothing “diabolical” or “like a cocoon” about it, a BIG letdown. He opened it way too quickly! Overall, it was fun & he likes the contents but for the money versus the amount you get, I probably won’t do it again.

    Patty
    Dec 30th 2017
    Christmas gift

    I wanted to do something different for my husband’s Christmas gift this year instead of the same ole’ thing year after year. I stumbled across this site and I knew I had to do it! The products are good quality and he is enjoying them very much. However, do not waste your money on the duct taping like I did, a total loss of $10! There’s absolutely nothing “diabolical” or “like a cocoon” about it, a BIG letdown. He opened it way too quickly! Overall, it was fun & he likes the contents but for the money versus the amount you get, I probably won’t do it again.

    Nancie Silves
    Dec 13th 2017
    Birthday Gifts

    I have bought this three different times for my two brother in-laws and my son. It was a big hit with all of them. A great gift to give to that someone that has everything.

    anonymous
    Nov 12th 2017
    This is awesome - Hub loved it

    Bought this for my hub for his birthday - he saw the crowbar and the message that it might take 15 mins to open, went to the garage and got a mallet and opened it in less than a minute! lol
    He immediately started snacking -
    He said he's going to make a birdhouse out of the crate :)

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No man has ever gotten an artful arrangement of fruit and said "Holy moly, it's exactly what I wanted!"