Fluke Disaster at Local Business in Redwood City
June 19th, 2015
Four people were injured and Ernesto's gift delivery was delayed in Redwood City today following the
convergence of an incredibly rare and hazardous set of circumstances.
The state of the art logistics and safety systems at the world headquarters of ManCrates.com couldn't
handle a simultaneous delayed Y2K computer glitch and an Africanized-bee infestation. The unlikely
combination of disasters caused an unprecedented total failure in the offices animal containment
ManCrates.com has kept two separate packs of wolverines on their premises without incident for many
years, however when the containment systems failed the rival packs began a vicious territorial dispute
that resulted in the four employee injuries.
Man Crates CEO Jon Beekman had the following to say:
"Of course we knew there was some
risk- you can never reduce the risk of wolverine attacks all the way to zero- but we had done everything
scientifically possible to get that risk down to one millionth of one percent."
Our panel of actuarial experts have independently confirmed that the chance of a simultaneous delayed Y2K
computer glitch and an Africanized-bee infestation is actually exactly one millionth of one percent...
Beekman continued to say:
"I mean- we've all
been bitten before playing in the Wolverine pens and everyone here is expected to make a full recovery.
Our customers have been incredibly understanding and the outpouring of support we've received on our phone
lines, Facebook, and email has been deeply touching."
"My only regret is
that we knew we had to get Ernesto's Man Crate out in time for his birthday, and I don't think we're going
to make that."
Man Crates stakes their reputation as a company that delivers awesome gifts on
their "High Five Guarantee" which assures its customers that their orders will be delivered in a timely
manner. Ernesto could not immediately be reached for comment as to wether he would still give a high five
to Juanita, the customer who placed the order like weeks ago, definitely with plenty of time for it to
have arrived in a timely manner were it not for the confluence of unfortunate events.
Man Crates Order Updated
I'm afraid we've got some unfortunate news about your Man Crate delivery. A series of freak events
in our warehouse has delayed your shipment for Ernesto.
This probably comes as a shock, since you definitely, in no way procrastinated ordering this gift for
Ernesto. We know you’ve been planning this delivery for months and although we did everything we
could, the simultaneous delays caused by wolverines, a delayed Y2K bug and a colony of Africanized bees
created extenuating circumstances that ultimately made it impossible for
us to get Ernesto's crate to him in time.
We're really sorry. Your Man Crate is on its way, but please let us know if we can do anything for you or
Ernesto in the mean time.
-Team Man Crates
Read more: Fluke Disaster at Local Business in Redwood City
Contact us 1-866-902-7260Copyright 2015 Man Crates Store.
There's millions of reasons you might forget to send a gift: work got crazy, bears attacked the house, you got sucked down an infinite Netflix worhmole, etc...
The good news is it's never too late, even if you've already missed the date!
We've got a fool-proof plan to get him his gift and get you off the hook, no questions asked.
We'll use a simple, collaborative ruse to save you some face.
Click the 'Send A Late Gift' button, and place your order. After, we'll send you an "apologetic email" explaining there's been some unexpected delays.
Now you'll have an official-looking email, and a great excuse to forward along.
View Sample Email
Unless he's a total dummy, he'll probably still be suspicious.
That's why we we'll also publish a totally believable news story, dated and personalized with your details, to corroborate the email evidence.
Congratulations, you've pulled off the perfect anti-heist!
View Sample Article