Fluke Disaster at Local Business in Redwood City
June 13th, 2014
Four people were injured and Ernesto's gift delivery was delayed in Redwood City today following the convergence of an incredibly rare and hazardous set of circumstances.
The state of the art logistics and safety systems at the world headquarters of ManCrates.com couldn't handle a simultaneous delayed Y2K computer glitch and an Africanized-bee infestation. The unlikely combination of disasters caused an unprecedented total failure in the offices animal containment systems.
ManCrates.com has kept two separate packs of wolverines on their premises without incident for many years, however when the containment systems failed the rival packs began a vicious territorial dispute that resulted in the four employee injuries.
Man Crates CEO Jon Beekman had the following to say:
"Of course we knew there was some risk- you can never reduce the risk of wolverine attacks all the way to zero- but we had done everything scientifically possible to get that risk down to one millionth of one percent."
Our panel of actuarial experts have independently confirmed that the chance of a simultaneous delayed Y2K computer glitch and an Africanized-bee infestation is actually exactly one millionth of one percent.
Beekman continued to say:
"I mean- we've all been bitten before playing in the Wolverine pens and everyone here is expected to make a full recovery. Our customers have been incredibly understanding and the outpouring of support we've received on our phone lines, Facebook, and email has been deeply touching."
"My only regret is that we knew we had to get Ernesto's Man Crate out in time for his birthday, and I don't think we're going to make that."
Man Crates stakes their reputation as a company that delivers awesome gifts on their "High Five Guarantee" which assures its customers that their orders will be delivered in a timely manner. Ernesto could not immediately be reached for comment as to wether he would still give a high five to Juanita, the customer who placed the order like weeks ago, definitely with plenty of time for it to have arrived in a timely manner were it not for the confluence of unfortunate events.
Man Crates Order Updated
I'm afraid we've got some unfortunate news about your Man Crate delivery. A series of freak events in our warehouse has delayed your shipment for Ernesto.
This probably comes as a shock, since you definitely, in no way procrastinated ordering this gift for Ernesto. We know you’ve been planning this delivery for months and although we did everything we could, the simultaneous delays caused by wolverines, a delayed Y2K bug and a colony of Africanized bees created extenuating circumstancesthat ultimately made it impossible for us to get Ernesto's crate to him in time.
We're really sorry. Your Man Crate is on its way, but please let us if we can do anything for you or Ernesto in the mean time.
-Team Man Crates
Read more: Fluke Disaster at Local Business in Redwood City
Contact us 1-866-902-7260Copyright 2014 Man Crates Store.
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It's the night before your brother's birthday and you're trying to find a last-minute gift that will magically arrive within 24 hours.
The bad news is that we're having absolutely no luck with our experimental, faster-than-light Man Crate delivery systems.
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Click the 'Shop Last Minute' button. Place your order and specify when you would have liked the order to arrive. Shortly after you finish checking out we'll send you an apologetic email explaining that there has been an unplanned delay with your order.
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