Performance Sports Crate

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3 Reviews New Product!

The Ultimate Fitness Crate

As kids, we always heard that it’s what’s inside that counts. But after winning one too many most improved player awards, we realized that a “great personality” can only take you so far. It’s the reason why we started summiting mountains, backstroking across oceans, making unassisted triple plays, and routinely taking the gold in the 4x400 relay—even though we’re the only guy on the team. When you look awesome, you feel awesome.

Enter the Performance Sports Man Crate—the express train that’ll take him from super frail to alpha male overnight.* We’ve included a speed rope and push up bars to get his heart rate up, and then filled his crate to the brim with high octane energy foods and drinks to help keep him going.  As always, we airdrop this awesomeness to his doorstep or desk in a rough wooden crate with a crowbar, because let’s face it: getting to your food should be a workout in and of itself.

So whether you’ve got a Dad who can still smoke you in tennis playing left-handed, a brother who’s training for an ultramarathon, a boyfriend who can bench press a busload of toddlers, or a buddy who’s on the “oh crap I’m suddenly single” exercise plan, the Performance Sports Man Crate is the perfect non-steroidal shot of encouragement.

*Results may vary. Wildly.


Training Gear

Serious cardio training gear

  • Ultraspeed Jump Rope
  • Push up bars

Performance Foods

High-energy training chow

  • Gatorade
  • Hammer Energy Gel
  • Mojo Trailmix Bar
  • Clif Bar
  • Sharkies Sport Chews
  • Honey Stinger Organic Energy Chews
  • Justin's Nut Butter
  • Pemmican Complete Food Bar


In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar, without bows, ribbons or fluff.
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    Product Reviews

    1. 02/18/2014 Sarah W. Performance Sports Crate 4

      So much fun!

      My husband and I have been bettering our health since the New Year so when he came home and opened this awesome crate he was so surprised! We had never seen any kind of gift like it! It took him a while to open the crate which was really funny. All the stuff inside was great. I will definitely order again.

    2. 01/22/2014 Matt Performance Sports Crate 5

      The Ultimate Fitness Crate

      Brother in-law loved it! He experienced the joys (and misery) of opening the diabolical duct tape and crate much to my delight.

      He used to get crazy for candy but has now focused on improving his health... so this crate met in somewhere in the middle. He will continue to focus on his health due to this crate, while some savory treats.
      Thanks MC

    3. 08/30/2013 Bunnie Performance Sports Crate 5

      Funniest gift I've ever given someone

      I got this for my boyfriend because he had been saying he wanted to become more diligent in his workouts. When the box arrived I thought it would be super cute for him to open it and see all this fitness stuff. Only he couldn't get the damn thing open. He got so frustrated he threw the box, it hit the wall and out comes all these protein bars. He was pissed but I was hysterical. Oh the irony was awesome!

    5/5 for 3 Performance Sports Crate reviews
    Warning: this crate may obliterate entire nights of sleep.

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