Story

One First Impression

We heard the same thing from lots of the guys that loved the Clean Shave Crate: "This is great for everything above the collar, what about the southern hemisphere?"

How lucky we are to live in an age of retreating taboos where grown men can openly compare notes on what we do with our post-pubescent Chia-zones. And why not? We worry so much about attracting potential partners with our clothes, our minty fresh breath, and our hair- why go through all that trouble just to send them screaming with the startling revelation of our fully-forrested manscapes?

The Diesel Option

Some people approach the problem like conservationists, pussyfooting around with trimmers and shaving techniques. That's nonsense. The only way to attack the problem is like a Chinese logging company in an unmonitored rainforest. We ship you 14oz of GiGi Brazilian Bikini Wax (unisex)- as close to the nuclear option as you can get for hair removal. Sure, there are accredited doctors and dermatologists that insist men should not use hot wax on their nether regions, but we know they're just pawns of big pharma trying to keep the best health and beauty products out of our reach.

We're also including a 20 Pack of Nad's Hair removal strips for men- think of it like a full complement of deadly-accurate sidewinder missiles- and a pair of Tweezerman Classic Points- your SEAL insertion team for extremely precise attacks.

Light Reading

With all these weapons at your disposal, you'll need a battle plan. It wasn't pleasant, but we found the definitive guide to men's body grooming in "Hollywood's Best Manscapes". We're including the full-color, hardback coffee table edition.

We have the technology. We have the tools. There's no excusing your unkempt manscape.