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Exotic Jerkies Man Crate

Sample the savory dark meat of an endangered white rhino.
  • Sample the savory dark meat of an endangered white rhino.
  • We made a hit list of critters that we had to taste before we died, lest we roam the earth forever as the unsatisfied ghosts of failed apex predators.
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$124.99
Regular Price: Sale Price: $124.99
Adult signature required for alcoholic products
Must be shipped to a US address
Must be shipped to a California address
Does not contain alcohol
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Satisfy Your Craving

Do you ever find yourself salivating uncontrollably during nature documentaries? Do you lay awake wondering what koala bears taste like? So did we. The difference between us is that we did something about it.

We scoured the planet to find reputable purveyors of exotic meats, businessmen that understand the insatiable appetites of the invisible hand.  Damn the NGOs and bleeding hearts- if you killed it, they will come.

They're All Here

We made a hit list of critters that we had to taste before we died, lest we roam the earth forever as the unsatisfied ghosts of failed apex predators.  Savor the surprisingly tender flipper-jerky of leatherback sea turtles. Sample the savory dark meat of an endangered white rhino. Even Jacques Cousteau couldn't turn down our zesty-teriyaki humpback whale calf veal jerky.

Other flavors available in our limited-time supply:

  • African painted frog leg jerky
  • Giant panda rump steak jerky
  • Free-range warty piglet rinds
  • Galapagos penguin jerky 

Specific flavors available upon request.

Let's Be Honest

It'd be great if our children could could enjoy these exotic flavors, but life is full of uncertainty.  A few packs of jerky here and there aren't going to tip the future of the species one way or the other. Go ahead and indulge your inner predator- after all, this is a limited time offer.  

Want your jerky fix without life on the lam? The Slaughterhouse crate might be more your speed.

All the Meats

6 Packs of the best Jerky
Over 1 pound of meat you've never tried before

  • Endangered White Rhino Jerky
  • Humpback Whale Calf Veal Jerky
  • Panda Rump Steak Jerky
  • African Painted Frog Leg Jerky
  • Free-range Warty Piglet Rinds
  • Galapagos Penguin Jerky 

Chow

Sampling such rare meats requires refined taste. Cleanse your palate between courses with these snacks.

  • Corn nuts
  • Trail mix
  • Clif bar
  • Pemmican meal bar

Delivered

In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar. No bows, no ribbons, no fluff, and absolutely no instructions.

Number of things that can’t be fixed with duct tape or WD-40: 0.

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