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Caffeine Fiend Crate

The Caffeine Fiend Crate from Man Crates Pharmaceuticals. Now there's hope for a better tomorrow...morning.
  • The Caffeine Fiend Crate from Man Crates Pharmaceuticals. Now there's hope for a better tomorrow...morning.
  • Drop the beans into the GSI Javamill Portable Grinder and tremble at the strength and precision of its powerful blades. He's just a few power cranks away from coffee grounds fit for the gods.
  • To administer, drop that payload of crushed black diamonds into the GSI French Press Thermos, add hot water, and push slowly to complete the brewing process.
  • The press is portable and insulated, so COFFEE can be administered anywhere, anytime.
  • Repeat process until life is again enjoyable.
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$89.99
Regular Price: Sale Price: $89.99
Adult signature required for alcoholic products
Must be shipped to a US address
Must be shipped to a California address
Does not contain alcohol
14 Choose your delivery date at checkout
Orders placed by noon PST will ship out same day

Grind It Up and Pound it Down

Do you know a man who's been struggling lately?

Maybe he’s lost his vigor when jet skiing through active volcanoes? Or maybe the shark occasionally wins now when he wrestles Great Whites in the octagon? These may be signs of a "serious" "medical" "condition" called DECAF (Decreased Excitement and Caffeine-Associated Fatigue) that plagues millions of men around the world.

But fear not, there's hope! Man Crates Pharmaceuticals, a wholly owned and legally dubious subsidiary of Man Crates, is proud to offer the Caffeine Fiend Crate, the single best treatment for DECAF since our green tea steeped blood transfusions.

Administer as Needed

The Caffeine Fiend secret is a proven, potent elixir known as COFFEE, or Caffeinated Oral Fix For Enhanced Energy. Start with a heaping scoop of Lock & Load Java, wonderbeans roasted in small batches by combat veterans and packed with the all-natural, life-giving powers of Caffeine, aka the Better Vitamin C.

Drop the beans into the GSI Javamill Portable Grinder and tremble at the strength and precision of its powerful blades. He's just a few power cranks away from coffee grounds fit for the gods.

For Oral Use Only

To administer, drop that payload of crushed black diamonds into the GSI French Press Thermos, add hot water, and push slowly to complete the brewing process. The press is portable and insulated, so COFFEE can be administered anywhere, anytime. Repeat process until life is again enjoyable.

Talking about DECAF can be uncomfortable, with the main symptoms including headaches; sensitivity to lights, sounds, and hurtful comments; aggression; and “Ugly Tired Face”. But if you care about your male friends and family, you'll get them the DECAF treatment before it's too late.

The Caffeine Fiend Crate from Man Crates Pharmaceuticals. Now there's hope for a better tomorrow...morning.

Java Juicers

  • GSI Javamill Portable Grinder
  • GSI French Press Thermos
  • Spoon/Clip

Beananza!

  • Alpha Coffee Beans

Delivered

In a sealed wooden crate with a laser-etched crowbar. No bow, no ribbons, no fluff, and absolutely no instructions.

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    Product Reviews

    Showing reviews 1-12 of 14 | Next

    1. 08/1/2016 Jason Peroutka Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Wife Loves It

      This was a gift for my wife's birthday. She is the envy of her department.

    2. 03/5/2016 Chad Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Amazing!!

      I received this as a birthday gift and it was totally awesome. From the immediate fun of opening the crate to the finished cup of coffee. The whole experience was amazing. I know this is supposed to be used while on camping trips but so far it has seen daily use. I am truly blessed with such an amazing girlfriend. Who thought of this as a great gift. I recommend anyone looking for that unique gift idea to give this a try.

    3. 02/18/2016 Avee Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Husband LOVES it!

      I bought this gift as a "just because" present. My husband enjoyed opening the crate so much, he said he wished he could open it again! He also loves all the items in the package. It is the perfect gift for the manly coffee snob in your life.

    4. 02/9/2016 Andy Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Daily Use Recommended

      This thing works wonders. I received it as an early V-Day present from the best woman in the world (my girlfriend). Since then, I've used the grinder and french press cup daily with no issues whatsoever. Easy to clean/maintain and no problem with the seal. Great coffee. Good quality grinder (ceramic internals?) and excellent cup. I'll definitely be taking it on camping trips in the future.

    5. 02/6/2016 Stephanie Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Love it!

      Got this for my boyfriend for not only his camping trips but also for everyday work use, save him some trips out to get coffee. Reading some of the reviews of this and other products and how long it took some people to open the crate, I can consider myself a very luckiy woman as it took him less than a minute to open the crate! lol He still had fun opening it though and I had fun watching him. The joy on his face was perfect! I will be purchasing products from you again, teenage son's birthday is coming up....he is getting the duct tape treatment though bwahahahahaha! Thank you Man Crates!!

    6. 11/25/2015 Gina Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Husband loved it

      Got this for my husband for our anniversary. He loves the press cup and uses it daily!

    7. 11/19/2015 Sara Caffeine Fiend Crate 4

      Love it

      Send this to my friend who spent about an hour opening the man crate ! Probably would have taken less time if he followed my instructions...Men...He loved what was inside and can't wait to use it on the weekend. Delivery was as promised, and definitely caught him by surprise with the packaging. I had Shawn answer my mails and help me out, he was GREAT! Thanks guys !

    8. 10/20/2015 Amanda Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Husband Loved it!

      My husband is so thoughtful and always does little things for me so I decided to send him a little something at work as a "thinking of you" gift. I looked around at a TON of different sites for the right surprise to send. I wanted something he would use at work and that he would enjoy opening. This was the PERFECT choice! He loved opening the crate in his corporate office and had a crowd that gathered by the time he finally got it open. It has been a couple weeks and he still texts me about how much he loves the coffee and the ease of making it right at his desk. Can't wait to use Man Crates again in the future- highly recommend this crate if your man loves caffeine!

    9. 10/9/2015 Nick Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Hell Yeah!

      I'm a contractor on a remote military post & my woman sent me this for my Bday. Men will inherently know how to open the crate & assemble it. Great gift! It's the perfect size for one & if you're on the go. The grinder & french press mug are well thought out, well made & make great coffee. The coffee is delicious. It will remind me of her every time I use it. Well done Man Crates, well done!

    10. 09/28/2015 LeAnne Fravel Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Loved it!

      I sent this to a couple of my friends who have birthdays one day apart from each other. Not only did they love the fact that they can now make coffee anywhere, they loved that they had to work at getting it open which took them about 20 minutes. Lol Made my day and theirs. Thank you Man Crates!!

    11. 09/25/2015 Zabrina Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Awesome!

      Bought this for my boyfriend as an anniversary gift after he complained incessantly about how bad truck stop coffee tasted like dirt (he used an expletive). He absolutely loves it! Not only does he love the convenience of the cup and grinder but he can't stop raving about the Java. Thanks Man Crates for making his gift memorable!

    12. 08/25/2015 Heather Caffeine Fiend Crate 5

      Sweeeeet!

      Bought this for my husband for our anniversary. He loves camping and HAS to have his coffee on all his trips. He is excited to try this set out on his next trip and really excited because he can take it back packing because it is all lightweight and compact!

    Showing reviews 1-12 of 14 | Next


    5/5 for 14 Caffeine Fiend Crate reviews
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