“Only YOU can prevent forest fires, little girl. But no pressure.”
Welcome to Part II of our Disaster Preparedness series. If you missed Part I, find out How to Survive a Flood Without Getting Super Soaked.
Fire remains man’s greatest invention, and not only because it’s one of the most constantly rhymed words in song lyrics, always right there to pair with desire, liar, wire and higher. It also heats our bodies, our food, our houses. But fire has its drawbacks. Without getting too scientific here, fire is very flammable and it can burn things, like your food, or worse, your house. So it’s time to discuss how to survive a fire with some products that can save you or someone you love. It’s getting hot in here, but DO NOT take off all your clothes. That’s your first PRO TIP.
There are some truly innovative fire safety products on the market today. We’ve come a long way since the days of the bucket brigade and these also make great gifts for men. It goes without saying, but we’ll say it anyway: please keep all these items out of the reach of children or any adults that are acting like children.
This ladder is handy to have around if you spend a lot of time upstairs. Who knows if that fire truck can reach you in time, so take no chances. Portable and with no installation necessary, it’s designed to fit on a standard windowsill. If you have a non-standard windowsill…what are you thinking? PRO TIP: Keep this away from your teenagers, they will almost certainly try to use this to escape their room and go to a party at some point.
The Pig Axe
Combining the sharpness of a scythe with the power of a giant anvil, the pig axe is a favorite tool of firemen everywhere. It can bust through locks, doors, windows and walls to provide the needed route of escape. It’s also just nice to have around if you’re doing some home remodeleing.
Always good to have on hand just in case, this particular extinguisher is more portable and easy to use than the traditional, cumbersome fire extinguisher. It’s not sold in California for some reason, despite the fact that the state could go up in flames at any time. C’mon California, not cool!
VicTsing Expanding HoseEdit
If the fire is really closing in, you are strongly advised to not try and fight it with your own garden variety yard hose. Watching Backdraft doesn’t make you Billy Baldwin (thankfully) or a firefighter. That said, this is still a really sweet hose, one of the strongest garden hoses on the market. Let the firemen use it while you relax at the truck with some hot cocoa.
Scotty BRAVO 6-Gallon Backpack with Handpump
Admittedly, the scenario where you might need this very awesome-looking product is rare. You’d probably need to be surrounded by a wall of fire in the woods, and this little beauty would be your only way out. Stranger things have happened, right? Just look at the name, Scotty BRAVO. It sounds like a TNT show starring C. Thomas Howell as a down-on-his-luck firefighter who’s gotten just a bit too close to the flames. We’d watch the hell out of that. WE MUST HAVE THIS BACKPACK.
Outdoor Survival Crate
If Scotty BRAVO bails you out of the inferno, you’ll need this crate to survive the aftermath. It comes with a shovel, saw, built-in compass, cook-set, pickaxe, hammer and more. And of course, some beef jerky.
Now that you’ve got the equipment, here are some essential safety tips that will help you know what to do in case of a fire:
1) Install smoke alarms throughout your house (remember, they expire after 10 years). Yes, they will annoy you when you burn a pizza in the oven and it takes you 20 minutes to turn it off. A small price to pay.
2) Have an escape plan in place should a fire break out. Discuss this plan with your family. Don’t pull a Costanza and keep it to yourself.
3) If you live in an apartment building, make sure everyone knows where all the emergency exits and fire alarms are.
4) Never overplug. You don’t want your sockets looking like this.
5) Keep space heaters at least three feet away from anything that can burn. Also, maybe don’t use space heaters.
6) Teach kids to “get low and go” if there is smoke when they are leaving the home. And don’t forget the old chestnut “stop, drop and roll” when clothing catches fire.
7) If a fire does occur, get out, stay out and then call for help. Do not go back into the house to rescue valuable items. Not even your laptop.