What’s better than a little controversy about why bacon is better than beer? Nothing brings people together like a good old fashioned argument, and we’re here to deliver! You may already be violently shaking about the audacity of it all, but don’t worry, we make good points and you can always crack a cold one while reading to self sooth.
1. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS BACON GOGGLES OR A SLOPPY BRUNK
You can still make good decisions when you eat too much bacon. Will your gut revolt against you? Yes. Yes, it will. But your brain, vision, liver, balance, and hand-eye coordination won’t, and that’s good news for everyone. Also, bacon smells and tastes approximately 587x better. Even on breath. That’s fact.
2. BACON IS WAY CHEAPER THAN BEER
Just kidding, not always. In fact, pork belly (where our beloved bacon comes from) prices are up 23.8% since last year. Though the Ohio Pork Council, which represents hog producers, says there’s no shortage of Porkys, part of the “shortage” and increase in price stems from mass promotions of bacon in restaurants and grocery stores.
But if you think about how much people spend on beer, bacon has less of an impact on your wallet by FAR. According to the Mintel Beer Survey and The National Provisioner Bacon Report, American consumers spend over $83 billion on beer compared to just $3.7 billion on bacon. Whoa.
3. BACON REQUIRES A LITTLE BIT OF KNOW-HOW
Anyone can crack open a beer and throw it down the hatch. But bacon? Bacon demands your time and attention—just like most worthwhile things in this world—to cook it just right. Low and slow is the ticket for the stovetop, but you can also bake it in the oven or throw it on the grill, among many other masterful variations. Can you do those things with beer? I submit to you that you cannot. And you can’t cure beer like this.
4. BACON IS FAMILY FRIENDLY
Unless you’re jonesing to get thrown in the slammer for giving little Tommy beer for breakfast, bacon is a true family delicacy. Sunday morning breakfast is a staple for tons of families across the country. Because what’s better than bacon with breakfast?
Eating as a family leads to better grades. A report by CASA states that teens who have five or more meals a week with their family are twice as likely to receive mostly A’s and B’s. So basically, bacon makes your kid smarter. Guess what beer does.
5. BACON MAKES SENSE AT EVERY MEAL
Obviously bacon is more well-rounded than beer. Bacon at breakfast is to be celebrated. Beer though? That’s why AA is a thing. Bacon and beer can duke it out at lunch and dinner, but even then, bacon is so much more versatile, beer might as well just go batter some fish and call it a day.