Great news everyone, America’s favorite pastime returns this Sunday night. No, we don’t mean MTV’s The Gauntlet, silly. Baseball is back! Not too excited about it? Okay, we get it, baseball games are long, the season is endless and players “earn” more in single a game than many people make a year. Completely understandable. But, there is so much to look forward to this year. Here are 10 reasons we’re stoked baseball has returned:
1) The games will be shorter. Baseball has eliminated the intentional walk. Our national nightmare is over. Now when a pitcher doesn’t want to face a hitter, he can point him over to first and the pitcher doesn’t have to throw four pitches way outside. This will shave at least one minute off every game. Total game-changer!
2) The food
is amazing at ballparks these days.
Today’s ballparks feature an extreme disdain for calorie counting, and this is as it should be. From the majestic Burgerizza (it’s about time!) in Atlanta and scintillating Sweet Potato Waffle Chicken Sandwich in Houston to the Meatball Cone (the cone is made of Italian bread!) in St. Louis, ballpark food now ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous. Don’t sleep on the Chicken and Donut Skewer in Texas, either. Check this out to see more belt-loosening monstrosities.
3) Come for the beer, stay for the beards. Baseball has always been ahead of the fashion curve. Right now, we are in a golden age of baseball beards. Hirsute faces are all the rage and some of them are glorious, while others will give you nightmares. Either way, it’s pretty cool. Someone should tell Hunter Pence about our great shaving gifts for men though.
4) Mike Trout is the GOAT. By GOAT, we don’t mean scapegoat. It’s short for Greatest Of All Time. Okay, maybe he’s not the greatest, but the Angels centerfielder is phenomenal at baseball and not enough people know about him. He’s as good at baseball as Lionel Messi is at soccer, LeBron is at basketball and Floyd Mayweather is at dodging highly ranked boxing opponents. Just look at these highlights.
5) Bryce Harper embraces the villain role. The Nationals phenom is somehow still only 24 years old, though it feels like he’s played for about a decade. He’s supremely confident, has a ridiculous haircut and he’s not always nice to opposing fans. We love him for it. Baseball needs a new heel since Alex Rodriguez retired and Chase Utley is close to retiring (shortstops everywhere rejoice).
giveaway nights are going next level.
It’s not just bats, posters and caps anymore. Free giveaways at ballparks this year include: Milwaukee Brewers Zubazz Hoodie (May 26);Toronto Blue Jays Barbecue Apron (June 18); Seattle Mariners/Florida Marlins Ichiro Dual Bobblehead (Apr 19); New York Mets Matt Harvey Garden Gnome (Apr 22); San Francisco Giants Hunter Pence Window Cling (Apr 30); and the Chicago Cubs World Series Replica Trophy (Apr 15). And if you’re looking to give the hardcore fan something to cheer about, there’s always the MLB Barware Crate.
7) The Atlanta
Braves have two super-old and awesome pitchers. Wily knuckleballer R.A.
Dickey and the rotund Bartolo Colon are a combined 85 years old and pitching on the same team. An MRI of
their right arms would probably reveal nothing but dust and wind. Yet, they are
both pretty adorable and we smell a sitcom brewing here.
8) Ay, dios mio! The San Diego Padres will be epicly bad.
Speaking of comedy, the San Diego Padres should lose many games in hilarious fashion this year. We aren’t going to feel too bad for them though, because they get to live in San Diego. Plus, they have the San Diego Chicken as their mascot, so it all evens out.
9) Meet Yu Darvish, wizard pitcher. The Texas Rangers’ ace throws baseballs like a Wiffleball and it is a sight to behold. Seriously, look at this.
10) Get ready for the hilarity of coaches wearing uniforms.
Why do baseball coaches still wear uniforms? No other sport does this. Steve Kerr isn’t on the Warriors bench in shorts and a tank top. Bill Belichick isn’t in tights…thankfully! Yet baseball coaches act like there is a chance they are going enter the game as a pinch hitter and show off a nice beer belly. It would be sad if it weren’t so funny.
See, we told you there was a lot to look forward to. Now for two of the best words in sports…play ball!